I had a list, albeit short, of things that I wanted to blog about. Things that I have seen and experienced while here that were new and exciting or just happy.
Then today happened.
While scrolling through twitter to get my fix of "home" news or whatever you want to call it, I saw the first couple of tweets from legitimate news sources. Shooting at an elementary school in CT they said. 20+ dead they said. Most of them students they said. Elementary school students.
I started soaking up as much as I could, visiting all the news outlets for their version of the breaking news. I read some friend's emotional postings on Facebook along with the ones I had already seen on Twitter. Just trying to get all the details I could.
I am far way. Even though the news here would probably be talking about it, I can't flip it on and see a familiar news anchor tell me what is going on. I can't call up a friend who knows more than me. But I wanted to tell someone. Maybe I could tell Tannia. Maybe she would want to know about this horrific thing and we could pray together. Maybe she could comfort me a little. I went out of my room to find her. She (and we, I'm her helper) was in the process of cleaning the house for the 3rd time this week. She was washing things in the laundry room when I found her and told her what I had heard and read about. It was then that she said the most mortifying words I could imagine.
"That happens so much in your country"
My country. I was left there feeling generalized. Like I was supposed to take some responsibility for some sick guy who had some SERIOUS problems going on and decided to take the lives of innocent people. I know she didn't mean it that way, she was just making an observation. A TRUE observation. But I felt embarrassed. I can't ever remember hearing of something like this happening here in Costa Rica and I am not from here.
Isn't the United States of America a place people move to for a better life? Is the "American Dream" not a thing anymore? It is turning into a country where you might send your child to school in the morning never to see them again. Or where you can go to a midnight showing of a popular new movie never to walk out of the theater.
Where is God in all of THAT? With the shooters of these tragic events? With the innocent children sitting at their desks learning a new math skill? With movie go-ers eating popcorn and drinking soda? All of them? I'm no theology expert. I consider myself young in my faith journey. Despite often feeling a closeness to God that makes all the hairs on my body stand on edge and tears pour out of my eyes, I don't know how to explain events like this. I don't even know what a starting point might be. How can something like this happen?
I have been in Costa Rica for 2 weeks now. During this time I've felt my love for this place reach the brim and spill over. But today, right now, I want nothing more than to have the comfort of my family close, to squeeze my niece and nephew until they both say ouch.
I praise and thank God that this tragedy didn't happen in Northern Virginia, but what does that say about me? Newton, Connecticut may be another community just like ours. I know nothing about that area, but there are families there. Families with children that had no idea that December 14th would bring the indescribable sadness and loss.
I pray that the community of Newton, CT can find healing. That God would provide them with the strength they need to continue. While He may never provide a "why", I pray that in time, all the families affected will reach some sort of peace.
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